Culture, Opinion

Opinion: Translating the Resume Buzz Words


LinkedIn logoIf you are touting your resume around prospective employers or have a LinkedIn Profile, you you may want to go do some edits. LinkedIn is the social-networking site for people with business cards and recently LinkedIn itself ran a survey of most overused buzz-words in the professional profiles on the site. The top ten (below) is a criminal gallery of nonsensical and meaningless adjectives.

I’d suggest a game of Buzz Word Bingo. After work, find a bar, comb through yours and your colleagues’ resumes and each time you find one of these buzz words, drink a shot. I’d recommend beer in a 1-ounce shot-glass, otherwise you’re all going to get totally gazebo’d less than half way through the evening.

I am also offering my unique buzz-word translation service from AJS Enterprises, for those junior managers newly promoted to the hiring positions, who will need to know just what these top terms actually mean when the resumes pass across their desk.

  1. Dynamic – as in “not stationary.” Usually translates as the first out the office door at lunchtime, home-time and when the ice-cream truck pulls up outside the building.
  2. Communications skills – likes the sound of their own voice.
  3. Problem solving – knows how to get those stuck candy bars out of the vending machine.
  4. Innovative – finds new uses for office stationery – paper clip sculptures, paper cup pyramids, waste-bin basketball, sticky-note 20-questions…
  5. Motivated – gets out of bed in the morning, makes it to the office in time for lunch
  6. Track record – serial screw-up over their many, many jobs
  7. Extensive experience – has mysteriously changed jobs far too frequently for their age and grade.
  8. Effective – has a far higher opinion of their skills than their last four annual reviews.
  9. Organizational – I don’t even know what this means; milimeter-perfect placement of each item on their desk?
  10. Creative – take your pick; excuses, sick-notes, diversion of blame, expense claims…

And if you see the word synergy in a resume, don’t just put it down – you have to burn it. AJS

Read more at Time magazine’s newsfeed

About Allan J. Smithie

Allan J. Smithie is a journalist and commentator based in Dubai.

Discussion

3 thoughts on “Opinion: Translating the Resume Buzz Words

  1. This is great. I’m glad I have finally found someone who thinks like I do. Keep it rolling!

    Posted by Seki | April 7, 2012, 6:07 am
  2. I view something genuinely interesting about your blog so I saved to fav.

    Posted by Cominsky | April 16, 2012, 5:03 am
  3. Navaho, Navaho, Feargal Sharkey, shannanigen, shannanigen, excessive mularkey.

    Posted by Aywm G-H | July 6, 2012, 5:56 am

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